caribbeanqueen

i’m just chillin’ today–i will work out though  =)  i finally have been able to catch up on some blogs and respond to them.  i noticed there were a lot of catlovers out there.  i thought to myself:  these people should be on the Wildcats team.   i definitely need some help in the competition right now.  i feel like a total slacker.  i need some short term, reachable goal.  i believe i’ll set one for myself  today.  something short term— i do much better that way.  i’m thinking of a 4 week challenge.  is anyone up for it?  we can see how it goes and then maybe do another 4 week challenge.  my mind works very well with small challenges.  i suck at long term.  it’s too overwhelming to me to think of something i have to do for more than 2 months.  anyhow, i’m so freakin’ happy this week is over.  back to the grindstone on my sprint 8 workout.  time to get my natural release of human growth hormone going.  look younger, feel younger.  i have always wanted to run.  we see a lot of runners in our clinic–knee problems. running is good in one way and bad in another.  good- because i’ve never seen a fat runner.  bad–it’s so hard on your joints–knees in particular. so many runners, especially older ones, have knee problems.  it’s normal to have degeneration in your body.  everybody has it.  it’s part of getting older.  we can only fight off so much.  it’s inevitable.  i guess i’ll stick to my elliptical.  i do wish i had a bowflex and a new elliptical.  mine has really taken a dump.  still works, though.  i should be happy about that.  it makes a horrible sound and the motor has never worked so it’s on manuel but i can’t change resistance on it.  it’s very hard to pedal.  i guess that’s why i have quads of steel =) hahaha.  i’m kinda all over the place today in my blogging, just muttering away.  it just feels so good to sit and be able to communicate with my friends.  i even had an extra cup of coffee with you all this morning.  i’m kickin’ butt in my class but my teacher is really making me work for it.  man, i’ve never had a class that required so much–especially an online summer class. oh well, what doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.  i look at it as an opportunity to get to the next level.  it’s a preparation for more difficult things to come.  i can accomplish anything i put my mind to.  now that i’m thinking about it, i need to use that principle in my eating and fitness world.  i just need to put my mind to it and do it.  one pound at a time and one day at a time.  okay guys, thanks for letting me ramble.  i am off to get on the elliptical.  no update on the home issue so i won’t bore you any longer =)  have a great day.  let’s kick some booty today on our workouts.

thank goodness this week is almost over.  holy cow, what a week.  now for my normal hard two days!!!  oh well, lots of overtime.  surgery is physically challenging which is a good thing since i haven’t been able to work out all week.  i am not able to when i work from 6am to 10pm.  i’m just not.  next week i will be back to my normal hours, yeaaaa!!!  i can’t wait to work out.  i actually miss it.  i’m so exhausted right now.  well, here’s a quick update.  after a drilling for 5 hours from my husband on my day off  =(  he asked the kids what they wanted.  they said they wanted him out.  they wanted whatever their mom wanted and they just wanted me to be happy.  i feel bad for them.  anyhow, he said he thought we should get a divorce.  he said we’d have to sell the house, etc.  i said that i loved our house but it was just a material possession and that i’ve survived in way less.  it was not worth staying in the environment just for a house.  later on, after he thought about everything, he took off his ring and said that he finally has accepted that it was over.  he wanted to stay so the kids could have room for their friends to come over and play in the pool, etc.  i think he actually means it.  i am still covering my butt with my meeting in a couple weeks.  i trust nobody and i have to look out for me and my kids.  we’ll see how long this lasts but i want to know all of my options.  i don’t want to live according to his mood anymore.  anyhow, some weight has been lifted for the time being.  i’ve been doing good on my eating even if i haven’t been working out.  working out is definitely the key for me though.  saturday, i’ll be all over that elliptical  =)  okay guys, i’m off for another day of hard work.  stay positive.

i have to go to work early today.  i’ll be in the OR all day and probably into the late night hours.  my job asked me to work with the other doctor in the practice since his OR staff is either sick or on their honeymoon.  one of each actually.  it’s my boss’s dad!!!  i actually worked with him for almost 4 years before i worked for her.  i prefer her.  she does mostly sports medicine and outpatient surgery.  he does the total joints and stuff like that.  i love sports medicine.  joints take too long, recovery is longer, patients are usually older and sicker.  oh well, it will make me appreciate working with her more i guess.  it’s a good change of pace and it gets me out of the office  =)  the best patient is a patient under anesthesia  hahahah  =)  okay you guys, great night sleep on the couch again.  i’m starting to actually enjoy it.   one more night and i get the bed back for 3 days.  i got a 96% on my test–not bad.  i always strive for the 100% of course.  i can’t help it, it’s a curse.  my kids think i’m crazy but i think it’s always good to strive for the best.  okay, have to run.  hope you all have a great day. i’ll try to catch back up on blogs tomorrow.  this history class is soooo kicking my summer butt.  i didn’t even get to enjoy the sunshine this weekend and my day off is usually spent doing school work too.  i wish i would’ve taken the summer off.  oh well, too late now.  i’ll just be one class closer to my goal.

sorry to not talk about weight loss again but i’m about ready to blow.  my husband is such a bastard.  i got an air mattress to sleep on–very uncomfortable–i thought it would be more comfortable than that.  i slept on the couch last night.  i confronted him about it and said i would sleep in the bed 2 of the 4 days he was home.  that was fair.  he said not unless i was going to have sex with him.  i said the bed frame was not his, so he said he would take it down and give me half.  what a ^$**$#)!@#  i am really starting to hate  him.  he gave me a list of the bills and said since i wanted to live like a roommate i could pay for half of the bills.  i said that i’m not paying for half of the mortgage since i don’t even have a bedroom.  he said that was my choice and he expected half of the bills.  i told him he already got my entire check every payday and he said he didn’t care and that i would have to make money somewhere to be able to pay for half of the bills.  he said he would finish out the month but starting in july i would be responsible for paying half.  anyhow, i’m so freakin mad right now. i try to assert myself and it doesn’t matter.  he is a total dick.  sorry about the language but if the shoe fits.  i’m so sick of this crap.  now it’s okay that i’m paying for his mother’s surgery still because that doesn’t count.  i confronted that as well.  you wouldn’t believe the letters i get and emails.  unbelievable.  oh, yes, they are from him since he’s unable to have a normal discussion.  okay, i’ll probably be writing more later guys.  i’m sorry i’m not very supportive right now.  i just need to get through this.

well, my son will have about 8 teenage boys over tonight for his 16th birthday bash.  i’m letting my daughter have a friend over as well so she doesn’t go crazy =)  i can’t believe he’s 16–actually saturday is officially his birthday but i’m letting him celebrate it tonight because i wanted to take him out to a hibatchi japanese restaurant tomorrow night.  they have one about an hour away from here.  my boss took me to one in destin and i loved it.  i didn’t know that was real.  i only thought they made food in front of you on television.  the kids are real into the asian thing right now.  the japanese cartoons, games, etc.  my daughter draws them beautifully.  anyhow, they love japanese food so i know they will love it.  it’s a total surprise.  he wanted to go to hooters but i think he’ll like this even better.  i can’t remember what i wrote yesterday but he got this cake from the office (he works where i work) of woman in a bikini.  it was great.  we sent a picture of it to my husband who said it was totally inappropriate–he wouldn’t let us go to hooters either, by the way.  seriously. he said what kind of message are we sending our kids.  i’m thinking, holy cow, are you serious?  nobody was naked.  it wasn’t disgusting or anything. he sees girls in bikinis on television- prime time, i might add.  give me a freakin’ break.  he’s a teenage boy.  i’m thankful he’s not looking at boys in bikinis–ya know?  anyhow, i’m hoping for a great weekend.  the husband comes home tonight.  a friend gave me an airmattress.  i set it up in my ocean room, put sheets on it, moved some furniture around and voila, i’m ready to sleep in a bed tonight!!!  =) his birthday is sunday.  i guess i’ll need to take the kids to the store to at least get him a card.  my eating is going great.  i had a salad for supper last night, along with a white cheddar rice cake and my sugar free fudgsicles.  i probably should’ve had some kind of protein.  i just hate eating so late.  i wish i got off earlier.  i try to get the majority of my calories in before 3.  i do the every three hours snack thing.  i have my protein shakes and yogurt between meals so i’m keeping my metabolism going.  i can’t wait to work out.  i sure wish i had a bowflex.  still looking for a good deal.  well, enough for now.  i’ll write more tomorrow. 

hey guys hope all is well in your neck of the woods.  i’m hanging tough.  got to sleep in the bed again last night–since my husband is in nashville.  i’ll get to for one more night.  i think i’ll just buy a cheap bed and put it in my ocean room (also my computer room where i study).  that will blow him away  =)  i’m almost feeling sad–not about my relationship falling apart but because i had a plan and now it’s not going to happen.  i’ve been working so hard to be able to go to anesthesia school and now i think it’s not going to happen for about 5 years.  i feel like God knows best but it is a bit disheartening.  i’m still going to keep taking one class at a time as long as i can so i’m not giving up.  i will have to keep my job to keep health insurance for my kids.  surgery today, yipppeeee!!!  we had some old lady break her femur and since we’re on call we get to fix it.  that will be a fun case.  it’s always a bittersweet for me because i feel sorry for the patient being in pain.  it is sooo much fun to fix them though and we are helping them to get better.  i better get going.  just wanted you all to know what’s up and i’ll write later–probably tomorrow.  by the way, i managed to lose a half of a pound somehow.  my real weigh in for my team THE AWESOME WILDCATS  =)  is on sunday so maybe i’ll have some weight loss to finally share for my team. 

so glad she’s back.  she had sooo much fun visiting my cousin in ny.  went sailing on their boat, shopping at the mall, went to manhattan, an aquarium.  i’m just so happy she had fun.  my son gets to go next month.  my cousin is very cool and doesn’t have kids so she welcomes them and enjoys them.  it’s the first time that i’ve let them go by themselves.  well, to update you, i came back—-don’t freak out—i’m laying low until my meeting.  i want to have all my ducks in a row.  i told the kids just to play it cool.  we came back monday after work.  he acted like nothing happened.  such a buttmunch but anyhow, i was giving very short answers and he made the comment, “are we going to be able to resolve our differences?”  i said yep, i’ll sleep on the couch and keep my mouth shut.  then he didn’t understand why i wasnt’ talking much.  what an idiot.  he’s totally blown it now.  he’s in nashville until friday night.  i feel like taking a big dump in HIS freakin’ bed!!!  hahaha.  i know that was gross but funny.  i wouldn’t really do that.  one girl at work said i should take a chainsaw and cut it in half.  anyhow, thanks so much for the support.  i sooo much appreciate you guys.  i will keep you posted. i’m unsure of if he comes on to this site to read my posts.  i changed my password a while ago but he could still log on as someone else just to read blogs, ya know?  sorry if i sound paranoid but i’ve been screwed over so many times, it’s hard to not cover my butt.  anyhow, i weigh in today at work.  i’m not feeling real good about that right now.  i’m not going to get upset about it this week, though.  i’m just trying to get through this week.  i am still gung ho though.  just haven’t worked out.  that is not good.  eating wise, i’ve done great.  i’ll be back on track though, i’m so not worried about that.  i’m on call all this week so that doesn’t help.  hopefully it will be a slow week but it is  a full moon week—that  means all of the crazies are out.  gotta go for now. 

hey guys i definitely need to learn some kind of stress relief that doesn’t contain calories.  i was unable to work out or blog yesterday since i left my husband the night before.  he sent me a letter that basically said the same thing they usually say. i’m selfish, i need to pay for half of the bills, and if i wasn’t going to act like a wife i could sleep on the couch.  i just blew it off.  he gets my entire paycheck already so unless i grow money out my butt, there’s no more to give.  i’m so selfish that i made my kids celebrate father’s day the weekend before so that my daughter would be here to celebrate it.  we went shopping specifically for a gift and grilling food.  the couch thing is no big deal to me since i don’t have to listen to him snore and can actually get some sleep.  sunday night, however, he was watching the basketball game and i came out to start the dishwasher.  i was just planning on sleeping in the bed since i had to work the next morning and he was still up.  he said,  i’ll just go downstairs and watch the game so you can sleep on the couch.  i said, i just planned on sleeping in the bed tonight and he said, oh, do you plan on putting out?  can you believe that?  i said, it’s my bed too and since i pay for half of everything, i thought i could sleep in the bed tonight.  he said that until i acted like a wife, i could sleep on the couch and that the bed was technically his since he brought it into the marriage.  all of this is being done in front of my son.  i was so mad i just told nick to pack an overnight bag and that we were leaving.  he still accused me of having an affair—he doesn’t know me very well apparently.  i see no justification for that so i wouldn’t do it even if it was harrison ford–well  maybe–no not really =)  he acted like he was glad we left.  didn’t even try to stop us. it was 10:30 at night!!!  never called us or anything.  now, i don’t have a problem with him not caring about me but how could you just let your son walk out the door without saying anything?  that’s what pissed me off.  i didn’t yell or anything.  i’m afraid to write a whole lot on here since i’m unsure if he get’s on to check anything.  but know that i’m in good hands.  i have many friends at work.  i spent the night with my son at my boss’s house.  i could use your prayers for sure.  please pray for my kids.  i came home last night after work. my son works at the clinic with me.  so my husband acts like nothing ever happened and expects me to be all happy and crap.  whatever.  i needed to know about some kind of  yoga or something to relieve stress.  i can’t eat the food and i don’t want to drink beer—well, i do but i don’t want to gain weight.  he asked me if we’d be able to resolve our differences and i said, yep, i’ll sleep on the couch and keep my mouth shut.  i’m not sure i can wait 4 years to leave.  i’m trying to hang on but i’m unsure at this point.  i was unable to workout yesterday so i’m bummed about that.  thanks for letting me ramble.  he’s gotten so much worse since he joined the mormon church. sorry if this offends anyone but that is a cult church.  he’s so controlling, manipulative, and arrogant.  i’m so sick of him.  i know i’m not supposed to hate, but i really am starting to hate him.  please pray.

so i’ve gotten my daughter off on her first alone airplane ride and vacation to ny to visit my cousin.  she’s got no kids and is a favorite relative of my kids.   she’s a blast.  she arrived safely (thank you God).  yes, i did cry at the airport.  i know she’ll have a great time and i’m happy for her.  i do miss her though.  i’m having fun with my son with the one on one time.  yesterday wasn’t the best since i had soooo much school work to do.  but we still managed to have a good time.  i’ve got to log in to the school website from 3-5 to take my first online exam—2 hours long  =(  i’ve also got a quiz i have to take today–open book but it takes about 2 hours also.  i’ve got everything lined up though.  i studied my head off.  i’m thinking of taking my open book quiz before church so i can hang out with nick (my son) until 3.  anyhow, i’m staying positive–or at least trying to.  i was studying yesterday and my husband barges in and gives me a letter.  he communicates with either letters or email–idiot.  anyhow, i’ve spared you all from the chaos going on here but it really pissed me off.  he then leaves the house.  the letter says i can sleep on the couch and he’s tired of being treated like a doormat and if we’re going to be just roommates, i can pay for half of the bills.  it goes on to say how selfish i am, etc.  anyhow, he already gets my entire check every payday so i don’t know what else he wants from me, i pay for all of the healthcare from my check, he’s the one who treats me like crap, although he would go to the grave denying that, and i really don’t care that i sleep on the couch.  i may actually get some sleep not having to listen to him snore all freakin night long.  it will be nice not having someone lift the covers up to look at my hot hiney =) just kidding, it’s not that hot yet.  but he does do that.  i started wearing clothes to bed to ward him off.  he’s given my the cold shoulder for a while now and i’ve just thought, i’m not going to let him get to me.  i’m just going to live peacefully and get through the next 4 years.  he said he’d never leave–promised the kids.  he said he didn’t have a problem with me leaving.  so i guess he just wants to make it miserable enough to make me leave.  that way he won’t be breaking his promise.  i’m so sick of it.  as soon as the kids graduate high school, i’m out of here.  i just want to get stuff paid off so all we’ll have to do is sell the house in 4 years.  i actually gained a pound this week  =(  i had 2 corona lights at the restaurant friday.  i did order grilled chicken but i had about 10 fried green beans and 4 french fries.  i was only going to have 1 beer but i know it bugs my husband that i drink——super rarely guys—and he was being a d head so i had another one =)  even the kids were like, what’s wrong with dad this time?  well, you’re sorta updated.  i’ll write more later. wish me luck on my tests.  so sorry to my teammates for the one pound gain.  i will do better next week, i promise.

i don’t know why i’m so freakin’ tired this morning.  i couldn’t even stay up to finish my paper for school last night.  i think it’s my daughter’s fault  =)  i’m exhausted from trying not to think about her trip.  i packed her last night.  we go to nashville tonight after work.  i really needed to get some of my school work done but i just couldn’t keep my eyes open. i may have to have a cocktail this evening–just one, though.  too many calories to have more.  i know she’s going to have fun but this is the first time she’s traveled alone.  it’s a bit nerve racking.  i’m sure she’ll be fine.  thanks to my buddies who have tried to reassure me–you are greatly appreciated =)  tonight will be fun.  we are going to go out to eat in nashville.  for those of  you who live in a small town, you understand this treat.  it’s very difficult to not splurge when you get to go somewhere that has actual restaurants with real food.  today will have to be my treat day.  usually it’s sunday but not this week.  i do have to weigh in sunday morning so i won’t enjoy too much.  i’ve found you can actually eat healthy and still get really good food to eat.  i love ahi tuna.  oh, man.  delicious.  very high in omega 3 and protein.  very low in fat.  we’ll see what’s on the menu.  i will have a drink tonight.  that will irritate my husband, i’m sure.  oh well, can’t be what he wants anyhow, so i might as well be myself, right?  that’s another story, not worth sharing right now.  anyhow, please keep tess in your prayers and, while you’re at it, lift me up too.  thanks you guys.  i’ll write tomorrow when i get back.